Memories

There are few things more wonderful than looking down at the perfectly content face of the baby girl who thinks you are the whole world and who does not want to be anywhere else but in your arms. I spend a lot of time looking at that face...she is a very extensive eater. The other day as I stared at her I thought how sad it was that she will retain no memory of time that I will cherish forever. I suppose the important part is that she will grow up with my love imprinted on her. Still, I thought, it's almost tragic.

Then I imagined my own mother doing the same for me. Something I have had no memory of up to this point. At that moment, I felt like I was transported back in time. Suddenly, I could see my mom sitting in a rocking chair holding me. I could see that same expression of contentment on my face. It was as if I was looking through her eyes, feeling what she must have felt 29 years ago. I don't have any memories of my infancy, but in becoming a mother myself I can share in the memories of my mom and everything takes on much more meaning.

Gazing into Lucy's eyes I wonder if someday she will have a daughter of her own and 'remember' the joy of this moment with me.

Month 4 is about trauma....

Month one of Lucy's life was primarily concerned with learning how to eat.

Month two of Lucy's life was essentially about learning how to sleep. 

Month three of Lucy's life was about meeting relatives...and learning how to leave her behind for a little while...

Month four of Lucy's life is about trauma (the upside of which is she likes to snuggle a bit more).

 - teething, swollen gums, and insufficiently developed motor skills that won't allow her to keep comfy to chew objects                    in the vicinity of her mouth.

- tummy time...that apparently puts too much pressure on her tummy causing gagging, choking, and puking (except with a     tummy-time pillow) ...and she wants to be able to move soooo badly!

- SEVERE stranger anxiety. Apparently my daughter is now utterly terrified of everyone who is not Jason or myself. I feel horrible for all the sweet ladies that try to make her smile and only get screams in response. She likes to look at people as long as they're not paying attention to her...but if she's the focus and someone says "aren't you pretty?" it's as if she hears "I'm going to take you away from your mommy and daddy FOREVER! HaHaHa!!!" and appropriately (to her) responds by shutting her eyes, wailing, and turning red, as tears roll pitifully down her cheeks and the poor admirer stammers apologies.

- Month five of Lucy's life will be about learning to eat some mush from a spoon...hopefully it will be slightly less traumatic than month 4....because as much as we love the extra cuddles....and being Lucy's favorite people (hands down)....it's just heartbreaking to know she's upset or in pain...

Mirrors

Last year I spent a lot of time looking at myself in mirrors, staring at my growing belly in awe and trying to see if it was moving; if it was lopsided, if it had any odd lumps, anything that would point to the fact that I really was growing a real live person in there. In the last 4 months, I have spent very little time looking at myself in mirrors. There's the quick glance in the morning to see if my hair is looking ridiculous before throwing it into a half-ponytail, bandanna, hat, or some other quick-fix, and there's the part before I change Lucy's diaper where I hold her up to the mirror over the changing table so she can look at herself and me before smiling and burying her face in my neck (not sure why...maybe mirrors make her nose itch).

It distresses me to look any more than that. All I can see are the imperfections, especially the tummy that is still very soft and round, and the hair that I have yet to figure out how to style...even after 26 years of having it! I don't like conventional mirrors. 

My favorite mirrors are much better than those shiny glass things. I see myself in my baby girl, which is funny because I don't think she looks like me. When I go in to get her in the morning and her face lights up, I feel beautiful because I see her joy. When I'm in bed at night and realize my hand is over my eyes or feel some other expression on my face, I don't picture my face but hers, because she does the same things. When Lucy and I are in the bathroom, I don't notice any of my own imperfections because my eyes are focused on her reflection and to me she is perfect.

Lucy is a great mirror. But the best mirror is my husband. He's the one who makes me feel truly beautiful. If I had never seen an image of myself and had only him as my reflection I would think I must be a super-model. He's the one who whistled at me when I was nine months pregnant and felt HUGE, who comes into the kitchen and wraps his arms around me so I am overwhelmed with his love, who looks at me like I'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen and he couldn't bear to lose me. My husband transforms the way I see myself until I think 'who needs those shiny things anyway'. I love him for that and a million other things. 

Still...although mirrors are overrated and Jason loves me the way I am, I want to be the best I can be for my family and that means staying (or getting) healthy and fit. So. New Year's Resolution that I made this week: lose the rest of the baby weight (maybe 30 lbs...optimistically), get in shape by my 30th birthday (July 1st) (aka: be able to run at least 2 miles without dying, do a couple of pull-ups and generally not feel like I'm 50 and falling apart), and read the whole Bible by January(actually Jason and I are doing this together and we're off to a good start - 8 days so far without falling off the wagon!). We may love each other for who we are and be happy with ourselves, but I think we should always strive for excellence.

In the last few months how I look has become a little less important, and being able to take care of and have fun with my family has become more important... so here's to 2011, finding balance in life, growing closer to God, and seeing my reflection in the greatest mirrors on earth every day. 

Milestones

I have now been a mother for 8 weeks...which astonishes me. Can time have flown by that quickly? It seems like we just brought Lucy home from the hospital, just had her first check-up, just took her downtown to introduce her to people...and already she's 8 weeks old, nearly 2 months. The funny thing is how many milestones we've reached since she was born. And how our lives had very few milestones before she was born. 

For example: 

Before Lucy milestones: Dating, getting engaged, moving to a new state, getting a new job, buying a house, getting married, getting pregnant, paying something off....all pretty big things that didn't exactly happen several times a week. 

Now...

After Lucy milestones: Sleeping 2 hours, getting the hang of nursing, sleeping 3 hours, losing the umbilical cord, getting a nap, Lucy's first bath, sleeping 4 hours, Lucy's first obviously-on-purpose smile, getting Lucy to take a nap in her crib for the first time, sleeping 5 hours...etc. It seems like something big happens nearly every day!

Making it to 2 weeks was big because that's when things stopped hurting so much and sleep started to come in slightly larger chunks so I could enjoy parent hood more. 

Making it to 4 weeks was big because, hey! That's one month!

Making it to 6 weeks was really big because that's when they are safe to travel on airplanes and pretty much any other way, and the US government says they are a grown-up baby and don't need their mom full-time anymore, so mom should go back to work now and put the baby in daycare. (Thankfully we are able to ignore that last one for the time being)

Now at 8 weeks I can't believe the change I've seen in Lucy just in the past 7 days. It is truly mind-boggling to me. 

She has greeted both Jason and I with a I'm-really-happy-to-see-you good morning smile

She slept for an 8 hour stretch two nights in a row! (mom didn't, but Lucy doing it was a start!)

She laughed at mom's funny voice

she woke up at 6 in the morning and put herself back to sleep until 7:30, then entertained herself until 8:00

She stayed awake through several car rides

she watches our faces as we talk and moves her mouth like she's trying to figure it out herself

She has discovered her voice and started practicing with it, 'talking' to toys, pictures, and people...which is pretty much the cutest thing ever. 

All of this in just the past week! I can't believe how big of a deal everything has become since she came along. I guess I never imagined watching someone grow and change so quickly. I'm not ready to parent a teenager, but I feel like we'll be there in a couple of heartbeats. 

Someone slow down time please!!!!!

I love...

I love having a husband who does his best to let me get a little extra sleep whenever he can - even if he's tired too. 

I love feeding Lucy in the middle of the night, and the way she looks at me as she's drifting back off to sleep.

I love the way Lucy buries her face in my chest when I come to get her out of her crib in the morning and talks to the animals by her changing table as I get her a clean diaper.

I love going for walks with my family....mostly in neighborhoods with wider streets than mine =)

I love holding hands.

I love taking pictures of Lucy and Jason snuggling.

I love that things have worked out so I don't have to go back to working full time the day Lucy turns 6 weeks old (which is next week!).

I love my husband...like whoa. He works so hard to take good care of us.

I love fall....and I think WV might do it better than any other place I've lived. 

I love thanksgiving...and new thanksgiving experiences...like a potluck at the Irish Pub for Thanksgiving dinner, which should be interesting. 

I love car rides and bouncy seats that vibrate and swings and other things that calm an upset infant.

I love dancing in the kitchen.

I love staying in pj's and snuggling with my family on Sunday afternoons.

I love having parents and grandparents who care so much about us.

I love God. I am amazed at all He's blessed me with...and all He's blessed my family with. 

I pray that I will always remain amazed and thankful.